The Idol of Relationship Nobody Names
Most of us would never call our spouse an idol. We’d never think of our love and devotion to them and for them as worship. And yet, the idolatry of relationship is a reality that creeps up on us.
It often starts with one small need at a time: checking in on your spouse one more time than you should, or needing one more word of reassurance to feel okay. Little by little, in ordinary moments, you hardly notice that your spouse or partner has become your central source for identity, security and belonging, instead of Jesus.
If you would rather listen to or watch this message in full, find it on the Lead Biblically Podcast or over on YouTube.
What Marriage Was Designed To Be
This is the first message in a new series called IDOLS, where we’re looking at the things that quietly compete with God for our worship. We’re starting with marriage because it’s one of the most intimate relationships God ever designed. Genesis 2:24 lays out the blueprint:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, ESV).
Look at those three intentional movements: (1) leaving, (2) holding fast, and (3) becoming one. That is the gift of marriage. Unfortunately, sin has been twisting it ever since, turning the connection God intended into an unhealthy grab for completion.
The Idol of Relationship Hiding in Plain Sight
Nobody stands at the altar and vows to be their spouse’s ultimate source of identity, security, and belonging. And yet, every rom-com, love song, and “happily ever after” plotline trains us to expect that from another person.
To make this practical, here’s what the idol of relationship can look like in real life:
- Identity Outsourced: becoming whoever your spouse needs you to be, or expecting them to become whoever you need them to be.
- Security Misplaced: your peace rides on their approval, or you measure your worth by how much they depend on you.
- Belonging Distorted: your spouse becomes the only place you feel truly known, or you chase that feeling from relationship to relationship, never landing.
If any of those land close to home, there is no shame in it. That’s just a twinge worth paying attention to, so you can become a better spouse and, in turn, reconnect to God’s purpose for marriage.
Two Questions Worth Asking
Jesus draws a hard line in Luke 14:26, using “hate” as comparative language to ask whether our devotion to him outweighs even our closest human relationships, marriage included.
With that in mind, take a moment to ask yourself these two questions:
- Where have I leaned on my spouse for something only Jesus should carry?
- Where have I needed my spouse to depend on me more than I trust in Jesus?
Chase down whatever comes to mind and ask what is underneath it. That’ll be where the real transformation begins.
The Idol of Relationship and the Gospel
Paul ties this back to the gospel in Ephesians 5:31-32, calling marriage a mystery that points to Christ holding fast to his church. Marriage was always meant to be a living picture of that love, offering us real connection while pointing us toward the completion only Christ can give.
I found out how true that was the week we got my wife Nicole’s cancer diagnosis. I remember sitting in a friend’s truck a few days later, unloading all my fear out loud. But in that moment, I realized that my grief wasn’t shaking my hope in Christ’s plan.
The grief didn’t impact my faith because we had spent over two decades of striving to keep Christ first in our marriage. Thankfully, and unknowingly until that moment, we had already laid a foundation centred and fully dependent on Christ. And it made all the difference when the largest trial of our life hit us.
Join the Conversation; Answer This Question
- Where have you leaned on your spouse, or anyone close to you, for something only Jesus was ever meant to carry?
Leave your answer or a prayer request in the comments.
